Janine Certo

HOW TO HAUNT HUMANS (FROM THE COMPLETE ANIMALS’ GUIDE TO SPELLS, POSSESSION AND PARANORMAL ACTIVITY)

Bald Eagle — Make yourself seen in the sky’s light
to provoke weeping at their wasted lives. 

Cone Snail — When they raise your shell to their ear,
make the rushing sound, What have you killed?

Dog — Use your unblinking stare to shame them into
wearing T-shirts that say, “I pee in the shower and pick
my nose when no one’s looking.”

Frog* — Show up at the pond sunning on a rock
until they reconcile childhood guilt at small-animal
stomping and bludgeoning.

Garter Snake — See Frog.

Hamster — Gather in great mischief and release the millions
caged unjustly with your tiny, dexterous paws.

Ibex (Pyrenean)** — Taunt in dewy whispers the word Celia,
last of your kind, her skull crushed near the French border
in the rain.

Jellyfish — Pull select Republican senators from their
beach houses and martinis into the Euxine abyssal plain
at the bottom of the Black Sea.

Koala — Spit a retching essence of piss and eucalyptus
at climate change deniers.

Laughing Owl** — Bring on an acute case of tinnitus with
your high-pitched chuckle, coo, your whistle, chatter,
mew.

Northern White Rhino** — Swell up a storm
from the Kenyan Conservancy causing poachers
to be impaled by large debris.

Otter — Charm the smartest youth to seek careers
related to endangered species management and water
and land use.

Quagga** — No one remembers you, though you were
regarded as homely. Haunt them until they look you up.
Until they learn to love others, to love themselves.

Tiger — See Bald Eagle.

Ulysses Butterfly — Flutter their delicate lives with Greek
irony.

Vulture — You do you.

Yunnan Box Turtle** — Strike turtle soup eaters with a strain
of non-lethal, though long-lasting, gastrointestinal disease
presenting with back hives and a 30-day head rash.

Zebra — Gather in numbers, the sunset orange-pink behind
you on the Niger. See Tiger.

 

*Will especially affect male poets.

**Denotes extinction. Powers tripled.


Janine Certo’s poems appear or are forthcoming in Crab Orchard Review, The Greensboro Review, Mid- American Review, New Ohio Review, Nimrod and Quiddity, among others. Her debut poetry collection, In the Corner of the Living, was first runner-up for the 2017 Main Street Rag Poetry Book Award. She teaches poetry and creative writing at the College of Education at Michigan State University.